In today's day and age, for some, it is not uncommon to have some mental health disorder. Mine is ADHD. I have struggled with this my whole life but only got diagnosed 2 years ago. When I was around 6 years old my parents took me to a doctor to be tested for ADD. According to this doctor there was nothing wrong with me except behavioral issues and advised my parents to just discipline me more. My first-grade teacher, Mrs. Mohler, asked my parents if they ever spanked me, in which they replied, "all the time". So, now when I was disobedient or "acting out" I received spankings. I would have issues holding in my anger. I cried with every emotion I felt. My parents became angry with me and would send me to my room every time! These punishments continued to happen until I was too old to spank. I continued to have emotional, attitudinal, and behavioral issues. This caused strain in my relationship with my parents and at the old age of 22 I moved out. There is a lot more that happened throughout my growing up but that will need to be written in my memoires. The synopsis is that I was bullied and made fun of for my crying. I learned to eat my feelings. By the time I was 13 I was wearing a woman's size 22 and weighed 250 pounds. I continued eating my feelings and at 42 I weighed 410 pounds.
In 2022, I had weight loss surgery to help me lose weight. In six months, I lost 150 pounds and have been able to keep that weight off. I currently weigh 253 pounds, wearing the same size I did back in 8th grade. I am proud of myself for finding a way to lose most of the weight. However, there is a BUT. I am proud of the weight loss BUT I have not learned a new and healthy coping skills. I am struggling with my ADHD. I am struggling with my relationship with my parents, especially with my father. I don't know how to resolve any of it as my father also is struggling with his own mental health issues. My attitude towards my dad has turned into a deep resentment and bitterness, and I do not know if that can be healed.
I struggle daily! I struggle with my ADHD. I struggle with my attitude towards my parents. I struggle with my lack of motivation. I struggle with my depression. I struggle with my procrastination. I struggle with perimenopause and all that is coming with that. I struggle with my PCOS and all that comes with that. I want to find a resolution to it all, but I feel stuck. People just tell me to go to the doctor, but I don't have medical insurance at this time, so that doesn't help me at this moment.
My goal this year is to get medical insurance and look into treatment for my ADHD. I've tried to treat it with meditation and exercise, but my brain keeps telling me this is not enough. I don't want to be depressed anymore, and I know most of my depression is caused by my ADHD. The other half of my depression may resolve itself after I move away from the parents, but it will still require me to make some changes. I need to learn how to stop taking criticism so personally. I need to learn how to cope through my emotions without eating them away. I want to be "happy" or learn to understand what happiness can be for me. I want to find peace within my chaos.
How do you "cope" with emotions or negative thoughts/actions?
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